My Absent Father

I want to write a blog about absent mothers and fathers. I know that a lot of us struggle with the heartache and pain of not having our mother or father in our lives. But…what if they did the very best that they could? What if they couldn’t love us because they weren’t loved themselves? I know we get caught up in our emotions because they should’ve been there. But they can only give what they have been given. Even if their parents were in the same home it doesn’t mean that they got what they needed. We have a right to be angry because we never asked to be here! It’s not fair that we had to get the short end of the stick!

My father wasn’t there for me. My siblings didn’t even know I existed. But you know what? I forgave him. It took me a long time, but I came to the realization that he’s been damaged too. He’s been hurt and disappointed. I’m not saying that it’s fair, but he never got the explanation and healing that he needed. He never had the opportunity to talk about how he was feeling at the time.

I opened up to him about how I felt and you know what?! He admitted that he was wrong. He admitted that he didn’t have all the answers. To be honest, he’s all messed up inside! He couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. At that moment, he was very proud to call me his daughter because I understood and recognized his pain. I love him because he is my father! No one is perfect and I don’t have the right to judge anyone.

As we get older we realize that our absent parent(s) could’ve done more for us. But they did the best they could. Since we know these things…lets guide them in the right direction. Pray for your parents because they need it too. Don’t shut them out. Find out the root of the problem. The both of you can start over fresh with a new understanding for one another.

Give them another chance! Right the wrongs in your life! Don’t say you could care less because if that was the case…you wouldn’t let it bother you! Be the light that they desperately need! That way you can be the best mother/father to your child(ren)! Remember, kids say the darndest things! Start your healing process! After all, they are still your mother/father!

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RANDOM MESSENGERS

Today I would like to talk about those random inbox messages we receive from the opposite sex. It’s annoying right? Everyday it’s something different. If your inbox looks anything like mine…you get messages from the same people. You NEVER respond and they NEVER get the picture! I wish they would just go away! In the past I would curse them out and say mean things, but as I got older I learned that there’s a better way to handle it. Especially when you have a certain profession(s). You don’t want to say the wrong thing to the wrong person. There is a better way to handle the ones that you aren’t quite sure about. I use this every time I receive a message from some random individual male or female.

I received an inbox from an individual recently and I wasn’t sure if he was trying to make conversation hoping for a phone number. He started asking personal questions…things that I didn’t feel he needed to know. I became annoyed pretty fast and you want to know how I responded? I didn’t catch an attitude…even though that would’ve been the easiest thing to do. Instead I responded with this…“Is this conversation leading towards a business related opportunity? If not, I don’t see any reason why this information is important to know.” The response that I received wasn’t negative. He respected my wishes and moved on. Everyone won’t respond the same though. Some people you will have to use the blocking feature. And that’s okay because nobody should be hounding you like that!

You have to be careful in how you communicate. You never know who you could be entertaining. It could be the BIG BREAK you have been waiting for, but your attitude could throw it all away. Find out what works best for you. Make your point, stand firm on it, but remain professional. You could be entertaining your business partner!

 

Alicia E. Andrews

Learn To Be Courteous!

This is my first blog of 2016! For years I have avoided people because of the way I was being treated. You know when you see someone you know and they look at you like they don’t know you and keep walking? That’s what I want to talk about today. You have individuals that will add you as a friend on Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, LinkedIn, and Google+…and when they see you in public, they act like they don’t know you. This happens to me all the time. I had gotten so use to others treating me that way until I beat others to it. I would recognize them and walk the other direction or I may just look straight ahead. But from now on if I recognize you, I am going to speak. If you don’t speak back I will understand that I’m not the issue…you are. Why send a request to add someone on your friend list, and you wouldn’t speak if you saw them out? Some people will go as far as carrying on a conversation under your posts or pictures…wishing you a Happy Birthday…some will even inbox you. If I speak and you choose not to speak back, I may just go ahead and unfriend you. Because you have shown me your true colors. I never said that we have to be bffs, but you added me. No longer will I live inside this box that we sometimes put ourselves in. I will speak and be courteous. I have to have a different approach with things from now on. I am no longer in the back seat. There are people who look up to me and I have to lead by example.

Speak Up!

I want to talk about the statuses I post about on a daily basis. I noticed that some people have an opinion about what I have to say. I’m okay with that. I know that everyone won’t like what I have to say…everyone won’t see my point of view…I get it. I see a lot of things that shouldn’t go on. Some situations could be handled differently. I see the deeper side of things…I can see the ending results of another person’s actions.

I have made dumb decisions in my life and because of that I try and help other people. Everyone doesn’t want help…I get that. But for the ones that are looking for a way out, I can reach out to them. Do I have it all together? Hell no. But I want to be the one they can count on. Some people don’t cry out for help. They keep it bottled up and seek inspiration and encouragement in secret.

Some of you would rather keep quiet about certain things because it doesn’t pertain to you. Because it’s not an issue for you, you don’t see the reason in saying anything…even though you know it’s wrong or it was a better way to handle it. That’s the problem! Nobody wants to set an example! Nobody wants to get involved! Nobody wants to make a difference! Some of you would rather not speak out about certain things because of your friends! If you were a friend you would speak up!

If I was just like some of you, I wouldn’t say a word and I wouldn’t speak on it. But that’s what I’m most passionate about…encouraging and inspiring other women! Occasionally I’ll have something for the men! That’s who I am! If you don’t like it that’s fine! I’m gonna be who I am! How can anyone change for the better if you don’t say what’s needed to be said? Y’all see the problem and ignore it like it’s okay. It’s not! Everyone has a reason for the things they do. Start speaking up! Instead of watching them make those mistakes that could turn into a bigger problem, reach out and help them! They are screaming in silence! I have been quiet long enough! I will do what is expected of me and that’s to help people!

Real Or Nah?

It tickles me to hear or read other people’s view on a certain person. They go on and on about how down-to-earth and humble they are… When I met them or came across them, all I saw was arrogance, a big nose held high with a smirk on their face. I questioned how they came up with that because I didn’t see it. Later on it came to me. They ACT a certain way around certain people. If they don’t think you’re worth the time they won’t utter a word, and you won’t get the same response like everyone else.

If they look down on certain people, please know they look down on you too. These type of people think they’re better than everybody. You may associate with the same circle of people, but they are all for themselves and they really don’t like you! Ain’t nothin genuine about them…just puttin on a real good front. I use to hate that, but I appreciate it more than ever now! I’m happy to know who they really are! I don’t have to wonder if they bout what they say! I can see what some of you don’t! God made me in the most perfect way…it takes a real person to except me for who I am! Stop forming clicks thinkin you got a loyal team! You don’t! They waitin on you to slack up! As soon as you do they’re gonna act like they never knew you! Stay to yourself!

I know that where God is taking me I have to have a team to help me get there! But until then I don’t want any part of it! These fools ain’t loyal! When HE sends them…that’s when I’ll trust it! #beenburnedtoomanytimes

 

Alicia

Can You Afford To Laugh?

I have been seeing and hearing a lot of people laughing about individuals with HIV/AIDS. Why is that funny? Can you afford to laugh? We have all had sex. If you are a virgin, your first time could be your last. These things can come up 10 years later. So how can you honestly be in a position to laugh at someone else’s pain? Yes, some people bring it on themselves. But some of them had no control over it. They were either raped or born with it. It happens! That’s why it’s so important to practice safe sex. I think you should remain celibate until marriage, but some people don’t desire to wait that long. Yes, you can wait until marriage and still get the short end of the stick. That’s a whole other blog. The point is you can’t afford to laugh if you’re still out there doing God knows what with everyone else! You can’t afford to laugh if you’re married, don’t trust your spouse because of adultery, and you still lay with them at night KNOWING he/she is still running in the streets! How can you fix your mouth to say anything about anybody? Especially the thirsty ones that post up pictures every 10 minutes of someone they lust over. You don’t know what they have! They could be infected with everything under the sun, but you want it! Chill with all the laughing! Chill with all the jokes! Because from my understanding, none of us are safe! Your test could turn bad at any given time. Instead of laughing, how about praying that your test doesn’t come back positive. My advice would be to wait, but if you’re going to practice sex, practice SAFE sex. Stop allowing yourselves to get caught up in your feelings THINKING you don’t need protection. That’s a lie! You need it! That may just be the rubber that saves your life!

P.S Sex without unconditional love from your own, with the seal of marriage is absolutely nothing. You’re cutting yourselves short.

Alicia

The Company You Keep Is Everything

This blog is about dating individuals that could be bad for business. I have experienced this in previous relationships and friendships. Make sure your significant other doesn’t have a problem communicating with other people. I’m not saying that you have to be buddy-buddy with everyone you meet, but it is necessary that you know how to carry on a conversation with different individuals. When it comes to business it doesn’t matter. This level of pettiness has been played out! Ladies and gentleman be careful…you may be dating someone who will have all of your connections messed up…all because they don’t like talking to certain people! I had to leave these type of people behind. You will never get anywhere being that way! I don’t like talking to everybody I see…but when it comes to business, I push all of that to the side. Some of you have supervisors and co workers that you can’t stand…but you talk to them because you have to. You don’t have a choice. Well, you have a choice…handle it or lose your job.

If you are with someone who has a problem talking just go ahead and dismiss yourself. They are only holding you back from something greater. I use to make excuses for friends that were this way. I think back on it now and it was stupid. Make sure you have someone with a business head. Someone that can have a conversation strictly about business AND close the deal. You don’t have time for small stuff anymore. You don’t know who you may come across just by talking. You will miss your own blessing because you stuck on something you did in school. You could get away with it in school. Your only responsibility was to bring home good grades.This is the real world now. If you don’t do it, it will never get done.

Another thing, make sure your significant other’s appearance is approachable. Business minded individuals don’t want to see pants hanging down or an outfit suitable for nightlife. Do not come out like that if you want to be taken serious. You are giving them something to laugh about later at lunch. I have seen this too many times with my age group. Come out of your comfort zone. Try something new. You just might like it.

I’m Tired

Everyday I think about deleting my account from Facebook for good. There is so much ignorance and stupidity floating around social media. I just want to end it all, but there is nothing I can do. Up and down my timeline is a bunch of wasted profiles. I’m the type of person that wants to help people…shed some light on their situations, motivate and inspire anyone that’s willing to read or listen. Because I am that way, I easily become agitated with some of the things that people post. Everyone is free to do, say, or post whatever they please because it’s their account. But why can’t we grow up at some point in life? Why do some of us choose to stay where we are? Instead of growing past the things that mean the least. Facebook has this feature called ‘See Your Memories’. Everyday I look back at mines and I’m ashamed of the things I said and how I said it. I have pictures that I’m ashamed of simply because they weren’t representing me as a young woman should. I see some of the same things I use to do on my timeline today. How do you do that without feeling some type of way about it? I’m tired of seeing women degrade themselves for a ‘like’ and small talk through a messenger app. I’m tired of seeing women making videos of wisdom, but they have half of their breast out saying cheese for the camera. I’m tired of seeing women trying to be and act like men when it comes to being real just to get the man’s attention. We all of a sudden play Madden and Call of Duty in our down time. No we don’t! Not all, but some women lie about these things just to get attention. I’m tired of seeing women call themselves and each other bitches and hoes. Y’all make me sick with that! Every word out of your mouth is degrading! Cussing like a bitter old man that’s ready to leave before his time! I’m guilty of this, ESPECIALLY when I get upset, but there is nothing cute or cool about cussing! It makes us look very ugly on the outside and a man wouldn’t be pleased with his woman cussing every two minutes. I’m tired of seeing women claiming someone who doesn’t belong to them. Get your own man before somebody lay you out! I don’t play that…don’t even play around with me! I have seen some women go along with it…ain’t nothing funny about somebody claiming your man. Chill with all that! I’m tired of women posting up what they do sexually. That’s nobody’s business, and you should be ashamed to say anything especially when you still single with three babies. I’m not sorry for saying that because it’s true. You did all that with baby daddy but that didn’t keep him. I think it’s time for you to try something new, maybe you’ll be able to keep this one if you keep your legs and mouth closed. Sex will get a man, but it won’t keep him.  I’m tired of women confessing their problems to Facebook when half of your friend list is rejoicing about it. They don’t care about you or your problems. Don’t let NOBODY see you down! Don’t ever let them see you sweat! Some things are meant to keep to yourself. Some people will use things against you if you are not careful. I’m tired of seeing stripper and twerk videos. I’m tired of people posting up pictures of their sick loved ones. Why would you want a reminder of what they went through? The memory in your mind is enough. I’m tired of people expressing their feelings(every 5 minutes) towards someone who died. I’m sorry for your loss, but you should have said those things while they were here. I’m tired of seeing fight videos. I’m tired of seeing men post pictures and videos of money and guns. All you doin is setting yourself up. Feds will be at your door because you don’t have a real job. And guns…? Yea, we know you scared to fight. You tryna warn somebody from a distance. Stop showing your hand(no poker face)…it’s embarrassing. I’m sick of seeing these dramatic transformations(makeup) being done. Nobody is natural anymore. Men don’t know what or who they are taking home to mama smh. I’m tired of seeing meat pistols floating around on my timeline. I’m tired of seeing men lust over strangers that they will never meet in real life. It’s not that serious and you need to find a new hobby. I’m going to keep my account open, but I won’t be there like I use to be. I have to be there for the ones that appreciate the things I post about. I have to remember the ones that need me. I have to remind myself of the bigger picture. It’s not about me anymore, but the ones around me. Social media isn’t what it use to be. It use to be about catching up with old friends, opportunity and networking. Now it’s about absolutely NOTHING…just a waste of time. Maybe one day it’ll get better.

Your Responsibility Is The One Suffering

I don’t like talking about certain things because some people take it the wrong way and run with it. But today I don’t care…I’m not here to talk about my personal business, I’m here to express how some single parenting women may be feeling. I have a few questions. Why can’t you (men) take responsibility for your kid(s)? Why do we (women) have to pick up your slack in what was supposed to be co parenting? Why can’t we make the best decisions for the child together? Why do we (women) have to be the only ones on call because we (women) know that you (men) won’t be there? Why are we (women) always taking our last dollar to make sure the kid(s) have what they need? You (men) brag about your kid(s) to other people…you take all the pictures your memory can hold of them and post them on every social site you have an account on…but do the MINIMUM in taking care of them! We (women) can’t get one CENT out of you (men) to help and make sure YOUR SEED has what they NEED! But you (men) go and purchase everything you WANT! We (women) have a hard time finding a suitable man for ourselves and the child(ren) because they don’t want to be apart of unresolved issues…but you (men) have women dying to be with you, and she doesn’t care whether you take care of yours or not! It’s not fair to the babies…they never asked to be here! They are supposed to be OUR responsibility, but you (men) turned it into our (women) responsibility! We (women) shouldn’t have to ask you (men) for anything. It makes us (women) wonder if you ever loved them at all! As long as we are still girlfriend and boyfriend or married you (men) do everything you can to make sure they eat! But as soon as we break up you (men) dip out, and we (women) can’t get anything from you (men)! We (women) didn’t lay down and have them ourselves! It takes two to make them, and it takes two to raise them! It’s not fair that we (women) have to put our lives on hold when you (men) get to live freely with what seems like no worries…when you have EVERY reason to be worried because your kid doesn’t have a FATHER to be there for them! We (women) can’t be mama AND daddy. A woman can’t teach a boy on how to be a man! A woman can’t show a girl how a man should treat her! The father has to be an example on how a lady should be treated by the opposite sex. Mama can tell them, but they have to see it being done. You (men) have to be an example to your kid(s). You (men) are that little boy’s hero! You (men) are that little girl’s first love! Those kids love the hell out of you (men)!! And all you (men) do is hurt them!! That feeling of a broken heart starts at home! And don’t think for one second that your kid(s) don’t know the difference! They know and they express themselves to us (women) about how you (men) make them feel! They may be cute, innocent, and easy to forgive right now…but one day they are going to let you (men) have it and you won’t expect it! It’s going to hurt a lot worse than our wallets being on empty! There is nothing worse than being rejected by YOUR OWN DNA! I asked my father questions that he wasn’t ready to answer! We are okay now, but even to this day…he has a world of hurt all over his face because of what he DIDN’T do! DON’T LET THAT BE YOU!!

It’s Time You Made A Sacrifice

Ladies we shouldn’t hate on one another. What we should be doing is lifting each other up. Everyday I experience hatred from another woman because of the way I look. I can’t stand it because I work hard for the things I desire to have. I don’t like bringing it up to people because they will start looking at me differently, and not in a positive way! If I can do it they can too. Why does it have to be that way? Why can’t we draw positively from one another and move on with our lives. Why does it have to be negative energy clouded around a woman who is simply doing her best in every area of her life? Not to mention, she still has issues with the things she can’t change. I don’t care how beautiful you are…how short you are…how tall you are…how small you are…how big you are…you will always find something about yourself that you don’t like. We(women) are emotional as hell…we’re going to find something wrong! But it’s important to work on the things that can be changed. Don’t just mope around feeling sorry for yourself. Only YOU can change YOU! Eat healthier and make smarter choices when it comes to YOUR body! I for one don’t like certain things about myself. But one thing I do is eat healthy and exercise. I do a damn good job at that! I WISH that I could eat the things that I use to but I can’t! It’s not healthy and it makes you look terrible on the outside! I will be honest, I don’t want those problems! I LOVE bacon and pancakes with Alaga syrup! I LOVE grits LOADED with SHARP cheddar cheese and eggs! I love Steak Out’s BIG burger with cheese! I LOVE Snicker bars, cookies n cream ice cream, and Reese’s cups! OMG I LOVE homemade mac and cheese and dressing! I LOVE German chocolate cake! I LOVE boiled peanuts MARINATED in sodium! I LOVE drinking Root Beer and Fanta! And I also ENJOY alcoholic beverages! Margaritas, different wines, and dark drinks…but I can’t have them! My health is way more important! I LOVE competing and I can’t eat that way and turn around and step on stage thinking everything will be okay! It doesn’t work that way ladies! You have to make a REAL commitment to yourselves that you will make this your way of living! Start TODAY! Make that sacrifice and stick with it! It doesn’t have to be a drastic change from the beginning…start with the small things first! Measuring your portions are VERY important! Don’t over eat just because it’s there! You shouldn’t be stuffed from eating…you should only be satisfied! If you desire to have more wait for 30 minutes to see if you still feel that way! If so, eat something healthy! And eating one BIG meal per day IS NOT going to help you lose weight! What you are doing is slowing down your metabolism making it hard for you to lose weight! Eat three meals per day with a healthy snack in between the time. Eating healthier alone will change you for the better. It gives you tons of energy! If you find yourself taking naps everyday then you should try eating the right foods to give you that boost. Heavy foods make you feel sluggish! I don’t go on diets…I eat clean all the time and it’s not easy maintaining a desirable look! I don’t like what I eat all the time! Sometimes it doesn’t go together! Sometimes it doesn’t count as real food! Some of it has no taste, and some of it has the wrong taste! It really gets under my skin when people do this because they don’t know the sacrifice we made to get this far! But it takes hard work and dedication! So the next time you look at another woman and her body is all the way together, remember that she doesn’t have it easy, and she makes a sacrifice EVERYDAY to maintain her looks and health! Let’s WERK TOGETHER and help one another! Check out my before and after picture…I COMPLAINED but I WERKED while doing it!!

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